From a young age, women are encouraged to be the best that they can be. But then they grow up and have kids, and the message becomes a very different one.
Just like millions of parents around the country, I tell my young daughter that she can do anything she puts her mind to. The fact that she’s a girl doesn’t come into the conversation… and why should it?
Over the next couple of decades she’ll have access to the same schools, colleges and universities as the boys in her class – and pretty much the same professions. Granted, some will be harder to break into, but on the whole it’s ‘so far so good’ in the context of gender equality.
It’s when women reach their late twenties and early thirties that things can go awry. You could say at 28.9 years old, as according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics this is the median age at which women have their first baby.
Most of the mums I know were understandably excited at the prospect of motherhood, but having busted a gut to carve out a career for themselves they were also planning a return to work in the next year or so. After all, if a woman has an appetite for professional development, it’s unlikely that this will suddenly vanish on popping out a baby.
Unfortunately, however, it’s at this point in their lives that many of the equal opportunities they’ve enjoyed thus far start flying out the window.
Studies show that having taken the perfectly natural step of starting a family, one in two Australian women encounter some level of workplace discrimination. Based on the experiences of most mums I know, myself included, this often kicks in during that already tricky transition from full-time mother to working mum. Some went back to find they’d been demoted, while others faced constant criticism or unrelenting demands. Whatever the scenario, it often results in stress, a loss of confidence and self-esteem, and an unshakeable feeling that you’re being pushed out of your job.
On top of this, there’s the reality of juggling work and home life to contend with. To keep their careers going and enjoy quality time with their kids, many mums pursue part-time and/or flexible work, but it’s not always forthcoming, and even when it is it’s rarely the magic solution it appears. Flexible arrangements are often sketchy and working part time can just mean you’re regularly putting in extra hours from home to catch up. Opportunities for progression are also thinner on the ground, because if you’re not visibly working in an office from Monday to Friday you’re usually not valued as highly.
What’s most out of whack is that while the majority of us embarked on parenthood with a willing partner by our sides, the status quo still dictates that it’s up to the working mum to fit it all in. By nature’s design and our own volition we’re usually the primary carers, but that shouldn’t mean we do the lion’s share of everything. Unfortunately, it’s easier for corporations to adhere to these outdated stereotypes than to enable working dads to pitch in more. If your partner is among the 21 per cent of Australian men working 50 plus hours a week, or you’re a single mum, you’re in for a particularly tough ride.
The upshot is that most mums I know have just lowered their expectations of work, a lot. After a second child, you feel lucky to have a job that allows you to use even a modicum of your skills. And there are too many talented, hardworking mums giving up altogether, or taking lower skilled jobs just to avoid going mad with stress and guilt.
Conservative pundits are oh so quick to step in at this point and tell us we should really be at home looking after our kids anyway. But most families I know need that second income, and while motherhood is rewarding and wonderful in so many ways, it doesn’t give all women an outlet for the skills they’ve worked so hard to achieve.
So, if we really want to get mums back to work, instead of just focusing the debate on childcare and parental leave schemes, shouldn’t we also be safeguarding their right to fulfil their potential?
To this end, more employers need to recognise the contribution working mothers can (and do) make. The talents and abilities they picked up pre-kids don’t just disappear, so let’s give them the opportunity to actually use and develop them. Yes, it means granting both parents a bit more leeway to balance work and family life, but isn’t it about time workplaces accommodated the needs of their workers, regardless of sex or stage of life?
For the time being I’ll keep telling my daughter she can do whatever she puts her mind to. I just hope I don’t have to add a disclaimer to that.
This story first appeared in the Opinion section of former NRMA site Live4 in Jan, 2014.
